3 Questions
Pre-Wedding Counsel
Reverend Ana requires all couples she officiates weddings for to meet before the ceremony and answer 3 questions. Though it does not happen often, if the couple is in serious disagreement about the answers to these questions, Reverend Ana may choose to not officiate until and unless the couple seek counseling (with her or elsewhere) to discuss these issues. This initial pre-wedding counsel is free, and should be scheduled sooner rather than later.
Progeny-- 2 questions
1. Do you wish to have children?
2a. If so, what do you wish to do if you cannot, for whatever reason, be/get pregnant?
2b. If not, what do you plan to do to make sure you stay childless?
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So many couples skip these questions, before marriage or worse, think they can change the minds of their partner regarding offspring. It is a conversation that is so important to the health of the marriage, and one that long-term, satisfied couples agree on. Have this conversation and give each other hypotheticals. Questions like, what if my half of the gametes don't work or are missing? What if my body cannot carry to term? What if I really want to adopt instead of carry on this gene pool? Or what if I just really do not like or want kids? All of these questions and their answers are valid, but they are ones a couple must agree about.
Finances-- 1 question
3. Would you trust your partner with a joint checking account?
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One of the major contributing factors to divorce in the U.S. is finances. I have seen multiple relationships where one partner is in charge of the finances, and the other respects this dynamic. This does not concern me. The red flags come up inevitably when one partner makes ALL decisions or controls ALL the money while the other partner has no say and/or has no access (even to money that they have made). Couples who do not TRUST each other with money, do not trust each other period. It is quite different when one partner says, "I am not very good with money and my partner is good at budgeting and investing, so I let them balance the budget and pay the bills. However, I have access to see the accounts and I have access to money when or if I need or want it." And it is another thing when a partner says, "I can't let my partner anywhere near MY money." When I get answers like this, or get answers like, "Everything is going to be 50/50 for all things," I know that the relationship is not on solid footing.